Current mood:	astrological
Entry tags:	horoscope

Horoscope #4- For Reals




Capricorn
This week you need to eat right, Capricorn. Include lots of good fresh things in your diet. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, you know. It also keeps the tax collectors, thugs, and Japanese empire away too. Just sayin'.

Sagittarius
If you do anything at all this week, Sagittarius my friend, make sure you get a pedicure. Those toenails are turning into claws. Save the toenail clippings in a jar, they will be worth something some day.

Scorpio
Well, Scorpio, this week has already started off in procrastination for you, hasn't it? Don't let that train leave the station. Fight your procrastination demons and get something done, for Pete's sake. I suggest the use of a small amount of fire, applied to any point on the body, to get things up and going.

Libra
Get lots of rest and stay away from Chinese food this week, Libra. It's only going to help you in the long run. Besides, your nearest resturaunt has started adding a "secret ingredient" to their fried rice. I'm thinking it's Lysol.

Virgo
If you write anything this week my sweet, creative little Virgo, make sure you stay away from those nasty, awful, repugnant run on sentences that can get much too long and leave people feeling like they're running a marathon, which leaves them very out of breath. Also, avoid choppy sentences. Ones that start and stop abruptly. They suck. Find balance.

Leo
The time is right for you to contact your secret admirer. Or, if you don't have one, pick some poor unsuspecting person, forge their signature on a very sappy note, and claim that they're your secret admirer. That'll be your self esteem project this week, Leo.

Cancer
This is a week for decisions, Cancer. You have a very big choice facing you and a very big need to make the right decision. I would hope you have the judgement to follow your heart on this one. Because your brain's gonna lead you right off a cliff. I'd not go hiking until Sunday, in any case.

Gemini
For you, Gemini, it is a time for family. Play a rousing game of Candy Land with your brother, or go ahead and visit the folks back home. You'll delight in hearing family stories about how grandma thought the telephone was an evil spirit, or about that hilarious time everyone ganged up on cousin Joe and chained him in the crawlspace. Ask to see his skeleton for educational purposes.


Taurus
Voodoo is NOT an appropriate way to coach your favorite American Idol contestant through to the next round, Taurus. All the same, you're saying one of the incantations off just a little bit, and if you do it again, you might accidentally end up pushing through the wrong person. Or...turning Ace into a very large, very bloodthirsty chicken. Just sayin'.

Aries
Oh, Aries, what is to be done about your gallivanting? You will learn your lesson soon enough when you wake up on the lawn of the state capital building surrounded by naked hippies, sporting a new tattoo that says "I Love Sha", and possessing no memory of the past week.

Pisces
Spend a little less time near the butterfly tree, Pisces, and a little more time in the real world. Because you don't want to cause another scene when you ram your car into a light pole. Also, do not be alarmed if your plants start talking. You have been given a gift. Make sure you water them to their demands.

Aquarius
A little healthy competition will be good for a morale boost this week, Aquarius. Just make sure that doesn't mean you bet your buddy he'll faint before you do as you rapidly slice off your own fingers. Fingers have a way of not growing back, you see.



Sorry about the wait. I hope you enjoy. *bows*