Current mood:	astrological
Entry tags:	horoscope

Horoscope #5



This week everyone is going to have a word that they're going to incorporate into their goals for this week. I'll also give a couple of examples of how you can accomplish this icorporation.

Capricorn
Your word this week is trust, Capricorn. And I want you to be stingy with it. You're too trusting, and it has caused you alot of problems in the past. This week, trust no one, as the X-Files maxim goes. Keep all that trust to yourself and don't give any of it out. Start keeping your money in a mattress, and don't donate blood. It's a vampiric pyramid scheme, don't you know.

Sagittarius
Your word is kindness. Show alot of it, especially if you happen to cause someone bodily harm. Remember kindness and give them directions to the nearest hospital, or perhaps buy them a nice cookie. Kindess should fill your every thought and action. If you kill someone, do it with kindness. That is, have a smile on your face and a song in your heart when you implement the poison/knife/gun.

Scorpio
Scorpio, your word is love. Why? Because you need to share the love this week. So I want you to tell at least three people that you love them, and the more people you tell the better. You can't keep those passionate Scorpio feelings bottled up forever, it might cause combustion. If you voice your feelings, it will make the world a better place. Or...it might freak out three people who just met you yesterday. Whichever comes first.

Libra
Libra, I want you to focus on creativity. You've got alot of it but it's just down there hiding out in some kind of secret fort. You need to give yourself a project, or find some way to express it productively, like cheating on your taxes in a way that makes you very inventive. Goldfish are dependents, right?

Virgo
Virgo's word is strength. Strength for the day to day struggles of living, strength to resist the urge for just one more lemon square. It is not only strength of the body that you need, Virgo, but of the soul as well. So this week I want you to practice strength in body by doing something like lifting freeweights, and also strength in soul, by doing something like not laugh when someone tickles you. You must go at least 15 minutes of tickling with no laughter.

Leo
Leo? I want you to think about humor. Everything is funny, Leo, in some way shape or form. So if you see someone who is on fire running down the street and the Macarena blares in the background, it is okay to laugh. Really. Remember that in any situation there is something funny, and you must try to find that humor for yourself, as laughter keeps us healthy. Just make sure if it's a dire situation to laugh on the inside, because you don't want to look like a jerk.

Cancer
Cancer, passion is your word. It's not the same as love, it's much hotter. Passion for not only people but the work you do is important. You must have passion about your task in life, feel the fire and let it rule your work. You'll be much happier. Just don't make out with the copy machine, okay?

Gemini
Gemini's word is bravery. Your bravery will help you in the twists and turns your life is taking at the moment. Don't be afraid to take up arms and face your challenges head on with this wonderful bravery. You can even add "Sir" to the front of your name, if it makes you feel better, and braver. To assist with your bravery, do something bold like give a speech in your underwear or sign up for a knife fight. Something that takes some moxy!

Taurus
Your word is intelligence, Taurus. And frankly, you haven't been showing alot of it lately. We have to fix that. Maybe you should read the dictionary, a little every day. Like maybe a page or two. Use big words in conversations, words like "expediate" and "salubrious". Invest in a monocle and a very large book, it'll help with the image.

Aries
Your word is appreciation. Show some appreciation, ya ungrateful wench! Look at the world around you and dammit, give it some appreciation. That sky is so pretty and the grass is just right for walking on. You'll have to find a way to be thankful for everything that gets handed to you on a silver platter. And if you gripe at me over this word, it just shows you're not appreciative enough. So there.

Pisces
Pisces' word is spirituality. Find yours this week, Pisces. Or get in touch with it if you've found it. Good techniques are meditation, as well as visiting churches and reading the Religious Text of Your Choice. If you start speaking in tongues, make sure it's done in the privacy of your own home, unless you want to be the subject of the next based on a true story horror movie.

Aquarius
Aquarius, you must focus on communication. With loved ones, and with yourself. Find ways to get your point across, but don't neglect the words and deeds of others. A good way to communicate is with sock puppet theater, so you should look into that avenue for talking over all of your issues. But if it's your week to talk about that time you smoked crack or when you and some pals killed that guy and stashed the body, a more serious medium is probably better. No one likes hearing "And that was damn good ice" from a googly-eyed puppet.



*bows*